This (claims to be) an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. (I don't vouch for its authenticity, but share it only because it made me laugh and I hope it will do the same for you.)

 Dear Mr. Thatcher,

 I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 y...

I have 2 cats. Both of them are neutered males, fully vaccinated and licensed, and they are 4 and 5 years old. They pretty much stay in the house, and when they aren't inside they are either lounging on or under the deck out back. There are several strays in the neighborhood as well.

I have a neighbor named Jackie. Jackie ain't right in the head. Jackie has conniption fits, complete with screeching vulgarity, (including racial slurs) and threats of violence every time she finds a paw pri...

"Pain"
(Three Day's Grace)

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand

This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd ...

I haven't done a FF in while, but recent events inspired me to post this one. It's not your normal 'deep thinking' type of query, (look for a second article from me today if you wanna delve into a deeper issue) but I do hope some people will benefit from whatever is posted here.

What are your favorite housekeeping tips? Little things that make life (and cleaning) easier, faster, more efficient? You aren't limited to five, of course, and no other rules apply. In fact, I'm going to divide m...

This is an article I knew I was going to have to write for some time now, and I have not been looking forward to it. Why? Because real people have been hurt, children are in danger, and many of you have been being fooled by a certain individual for a long time.

I've had my doubts about this blogger, (we'll call him Gilligan) for a while now, and anyone familiar with the expression 'methinks he doth protest too much' should understand why. Up until recently, however, everything I knew, eve...

Hmm, ok. After chowing on my first 'angel food network' package for the last couple of weeks I'm not so sold on the idea. Either that, or my tastebuds have grown entirely too accustomed to high quality meats and need a rapid readjustment, at least until Simon is back to work. For anyone who missed the original article and do not know what angel food ministries is all about, it can be read here Link. To say I was excited about the prospect would be an understatement, and I ordered the basic p...

Ritual

a) The prescribed order of a religious ceremony.
b) The body of ceremonies or rites used in a place of worship.
c) The prescribed form of conducting a formal secular ceremony: the ritual of an inauguration.
d) The body of ceremonies used by a fraternal organization.
e) A ceremonial act or a series of such acts.
f) The performance of such acts.
g) A detailed method of procedure faithfully or regularly followed: My household chores have become a morning ritual.
h) A state o...

(FF's were originally created and hosted by mignuna, the australian alien girl. come back soon, miggy.)

After the difficult and somewhat unpleasant topic of last week's FF, I though we'd do something slightly more pleasurable this week.

I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day that my wish for her is that she manage to find some degree of satisfaction in her every day life. I think there's too much pressure on folks to 'be happy' and I think most folks aren't 'happy.' We feel like...

(Friday Fives were invented by mignuna...silent for almost a year now. Here miggy-miggy, HERE. Come here.)

I am just so flippin' disgusted at the way our politicians lie and pander and play games with our lives that I can barely stand to watch (or read) the news anymore. I feel my blood pressure rising, I don't feel as if ANY of them truly represent me or the average, middle class working stiff, I feel the majority is far too often ignored in favor of miniscule (and perpetually 'offended')...

For those of you unfamiliar with Douglas Adams' novel, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and therefore have no idea what a Vogon is or why their poetry is so awful, I offer the following definition from Wiki, which quotes the book directly...


"Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit On...

Let me tell you all a true story.

My Husband works as a GIS consultant. This means that when He finishes a contract He often experiences periods of unemployment before landing the next one. He makes decent money when He works, and we should have a cushion built up for the lean times between contracts, but due to a recent mistake I made we were caught totally unprepared for His most recent layoff.

The mistake was this: in an effort to get us entirely out of debt, I had paid off, consoli...

(Friday Fives were created by mignuna--who I see has logged on here as recently as 10-13! Here miggy miggy...come HERE. I am running out of ideas for this column and challenge you to return and resume your rightful place as its inventor and facilitator.)

Ok folks, I'm going to die and so are you. For the purposes of this exercise, you've just been given the news that you have a single day left to live. I'm doing things a little differently this time, in one regard it wll make things easier ...

Ok folks, I am here to tell you that sex is dirty. It's dirty and sinful and Satan wants you to have it as often as possible with as many partners as possible, same sex, opposite sex, with yourself, with animals, and even inanimate objects.

You see, Satan is real, he has red skin, cloven hooves, a pointed tail and horns protruding from his head. He is everywhere, tempting and tormenting, just looking for a way in, and that way is usually sexual!

Here's how it works. God, who is also eve...

(Dedicated to mignuna, who originally hosted these columns. Come back, little miggy, come back.)

There was a song made famous during the Great Depression that went like this...

They used to tell me I was building a dream, and so I followed the mob,
When there was earth to plow, or guns to bear, I was always there right on the job.
They used to tell me I was building a dream, with peace and glory ahead,
Why should I be standing in line, just waiting for bread?

Once I built a railr...

(Mignuna, come back!)

Today's Friday Five should be relatively easy, but revealing. Since I've written about intimidation (in regards to the display of nooses) a bit this week, and with Halloween coming up, I want to know what scares you, JU?

In this context, 'scared' can mean almost any sort of fright, worry, intimidation, fear, phobia, (rational or not) dread or panic-inducing person, place, thing or situation.

For instance, some men are intimidated by beautiful women. Some people...